Patience...

 

After a particularly rough long weekend, I was jogging around this beautiful lake on Tuesday with Pandora 80's Rock Radio blaring in my ears and one of my favorite Guns N' Roses songs came on.  You might have heard of it...Patience.  You know the one with the great whistle solo in the beginning.  As I was making my way around this beautiful lake reliving the weekend and recounting how many times I lost my cool with my kids, Patience just happens to start playing.  Now the song has nothing to do with having patience with your kids, it is about a man and a woman in a troublesome relationship.  I just found it ironic that here I am thinking about how I lost my patience on multiple occasions and here's a gentle reminder in my ear that "all we need is just a little patience."  Well sometimes we need a whole lot of patience and then just a little more patience!  I would say that God placed that song in my ears at that moment but, He probably isn't a fan of Guns N' Roses.  I do think it was His gentle reminder that I need to work harder at asking Him to give me "just a little patience" when mine has been exhausted.  

 

Now in the above paragraph I use the term "jogging" loosely.  People with long legs walk faster than I run... I have loathed running since I was in high school and had to run a mile under 10 minutes to make the volleyball team.  In fact, that would be about the only time you would find me running.  I have always wanted to be able to run long distances but, never had the willpower to do it.  When I turned 40, I really wanted to be able to run a 5K start to finish.  It was one of those bucket list things.  I signed up for The Color Run and started training.  At first I ran a couple of blocks and thought I was going to have a heart attack.  I kept working at it and eventually got to where I ran 5 minutes without stopping.  Whoever said running is 99% mental was right on!  I eventually made it one mile, then two and finally one day with the help of my friend Jane, I ran 3.1 miles without stopping!  I wanted to stop, believe me...but, Jane kept saying, "you can do it, keep going!"  And as I was running, thinking I was going to pass out, my thoughts wandered to two little girls who would give anything to be able to run a block.  Here I have the God-given  ability to do it and I was whining about how tired I was.  They would love to be able to run, play sports like Delaney and Mason and play at the park like all the other kids.  But, that right has been taken away from them by this stupid disease.  So, I kept going and I did it...for them and for me.  

 

Three days before The Color Run, I tore my plantar fascia in my left foot.  I completed the race with the help of two Aleve's and some tape.  I couldn't run the whole thing like I had hoped to but, nothing was going to stop me from trying.  After the race, I ended up in a walking boot and the ability to run was taken away from me for 6 months while it healed.  I thought about retiring my running shoes but, two little girls kept coming to my mind.  So... I dusted them off and laced them back up. Now when I am out there "jogging" around that beautiful lake thinking I am about to pass out, I think of them and Jane's words "you can do it, keep going!"   I have yet to run an official 5K race from start to finish.  Someday I will...for them and for me.

 

 

 

 

The B Word

Well that title got you thinking...didn't it?  No, I am not talking about "that" B word.  This B word is "Baby."  Now "Baby" is known around here as Lauren's naughty word.  You know you are in trouble when Baby starts coming out of her mouth.  You are in serious trouble if Baby is used more than once in a sentence.  You know how a triple dog dare is the worst dare there is, well triple Baby used in one sentence is a recipe for disaster.  All kidding aside...the last few days, the Baby has been flying out of her mouth like never before.  Add to the Baby some slapping, kicking, screaming, door slamming and overall really bad emotional outbursts and that is "out of control Lauren."  Sometimes these outbursts are triggered by something happening that she does not like or if she cannot find something that she really wants.  Other times they come out of nowhere.  Sometimes an outburst is followed by a seizure and we wonder if she is feeling something inside that she cannot communicate to us. Regardless, this has to be the most stressful part of dealing with her disease and brain injury.  Believe me, we have been very creative in trying to deal with them.  Sometimes they work, other times they don't.  It is exhausting, emotionally draining and something I wish we could find a way to stop.  Our last trip to the Neurologist left us feeling defeated as he stated that as the girls get closer to puberty, the emotional issues are going to get worse.  And unfortunately, so will the seizures.  Definitely not what we were wanting to hear.  If by chance any of you reading this have children with emotional outbursts that have found some creative ways to bring them under control, please share with me.  Time out does not work; we have tried.  It only makes her rage worse.  We have tried re-directing to another activity but she fixates on what triggered her in the first place.  The thing that has worked the best is to snuggle with her but sometimes that can't bring her back under control and she continues to scream and hit.

Now don't get me wrong, Lauren is not always the crazy girl I have just portrayed her to be.  She is also the sweetest young lady who will tell you countless times "I love you" and loves nothing more than to snuggle, especially with her daddy.  She is definitely a daddy's girl.  There was one day she came up to me and gave me the biggest hug, looked right into my eyes and said, "I love daddy."  I just smiled back at her and told her that daddy loves her too.  I will never forget that moment.  Priceless!   The person that takes a close second to daddy is my mom.  I have nicknamed her "The Lauren Whisperer."  It doesn't matter if Lauren is completely out of control when she starts talking to Grandma on the phone; by the time she is done, she is completely calm and back to her sweet self.  At least until Grandma hangs up...  Grandma Rose sings to the girls and when Grandma sings, all is well in the world.  So thankful for her and her ability to calm the raging seas around here! 

Our dear Lauren.  The girls who loves to play with her toys, watch TV and snuggle.  She could also win a belching contest, takes no prisoners while wrestling with her dad and siblings and kicks our butts at Wii bowling.  She is one of a kind and I love her to pieces.