Today was a monumental day for our family. As you may know, Lauren and Lindsey turned 18 on October 3. Matt and I can now say that we have successfully raised 4 children into adulthood. Woo hoo! Not sure how we did it; but, by the grace of God is the first thing that comes to mind. For most parents, this is the time that you start thinking about becoming "empty nesters" and finally being able to do all of the things that you put off while you were busy raising children. For us, and many we have had the blessing to know, the "nest" will never be empty. Let me start by saying this is not a "whoa is me" post and I am not looking for pity. This is the reality of those of us who have been blessed to be parents of "lifetime children." This is what the "What to Expect While You're Expecting" book never talks about. This is our life and we are blessed.
Today, we had our court hearing for guardianship for Lauren and Lindsey. It was a day that we have tried not to think about for a couple of years now as the days drew closer and the reality set in. When your "differently" abled child becomes 18, a whole new world begins. You are no longer considered parents, you become guardians. But, you don't just become guardians. You have to pay serious money to hire an attorney and go to court to prove that you are competent and able to serve as guardians for the child(ren) that you have spent the last 18 years raising. Your child is appointed an attorney by the state who comes to visit your home to ensure that you indeed have a safe, loving home. Who asks questions to make sure that you are equipped to continue to take care of your now adult child. You then go before a judge, testify under oath, answer questions about your child's health and intellictual abilities and your willingness to continue care for the one that you would give up your life for. The judge asks questions about support systems you have in place to help you get a break from the 24 hour/7 day a week care that comes with having a "differently" abled, now adult. You sit there, answer each question honestly, all the while thinking, "really, do I have to answer this question?" Do I have to relive the last 18 years of hardships, the milestones that were not met, strip my child of the ability to vote and marry? Vow that indeed, our home is the safest and best place for our child(ren) to remain. But you sit there, raise your right hand and promise under oath to tell the truth. You sit proudly as you talk about your child, now adult, and answer every question with nothing but love in your heart and a knot in your throat. When you come back from testifying, your precious children get up from their chair and give you a hug as if to say, "thank you" when in reality they have no idea what sacrifice you have just made for them. In the end, the judge deems that yes, you are capable to continue to care for your loved one, making sure that indeed, you have support systems in place to ensure you get the break that you need. He then asks your children how they will celebrate this great day. They answer with "Pizza Ranch" and "Taco Bell" and everyone laughs. You then take pictures of the special occasion and carry on with your day, like it was just another day. Tomorrow, you receive a piece of paperwork that gives you the right to speak and act on behalf of your adult child. You have to file that piece of paperwork with every entity that you deal with...school, doctors, banks etc. And then...life goes on just like it has for the last 18 years.
A special thank you to Tyler Phelan of Borseth Law Firm in Altoona who made this whole process as painless as possible and gave us a 2 for 1 discount on our attorney fee! Judge Craig Block who was gracious and made us feel at ease through this whole process. It's a great day and we thank God for every single day that we have with our now, 4 adult children.
We had he same judge for our 18 and 19 yr olds needing guardianship. It is definitely an emotional experience and choice to have to make. Sending you hugs.
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